Ref.: https://feelinggood.com/ Explanation: https://feelinggood.com/2016/12/12/014-the-five-secrets-of-effective-communication-part-1/ Hold the other person DEAR: # Disarm 1. **Disarm** the conversation **by finding some truth** in what the other person is saying, even if you deeply disagree with their statements. Start with "You are right, ..." # Empathy 2. **Repeat** exactly (*do not paraphrase*) what they said to verify you understand **their point of view**. -> Thought Empathy 3. **Describe** what you believe might be **the other person’s feelings**. -> Feeling Empathy 4. **Inquire** about the other person’s feelings, if you made the right inference, to understand them better. -> Inquiry - If you are correctly practicing [Coherence Busting](https://blog.jeffreyfredrick.com/2016/04/08/coherence-busting-explained/), making the right inquiry will come naturally, as you learn to ignore your automated assertions about the person's motives and emotions, and "[listen to the person in the room, and not the person in my head that I've made up](https://youtu.be/OruxtePlsn0?feature=shared&t=432)". # Assertiveness 5. **Express how you feel** in this situation, and avoid rating the other person. Use “I feel…” instead of “You …” # Respect 6. **Find something good about the other** person’s behavior and describe that to them, no matter how negative the situation. Ref.: [Five Secrets of Effective Communication](https://feelinggood.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/0af5a-the-five-secrets-v-1.pdf)